... Can I even?
Nota bene: I wobbled for a long, long time about putting that photo up. While scrolling through random pics for this post, I knew it was the perfect opening image. But! A decade of menopause, meds, quitting smoking and generally feeling too ill to give a cr@p most of the time means there is decidedly more of me to love than ever before *cough* ... Even as I stare down the barrel at my looming sixth decade, I haven't quite reached the point of not caring how I look, or of being judged.
So. Living in the moment. I received a newsletter recently talking about "the gentle art of pottering". The OED defines 'pottering' as the act of occupying oneself "in a desultory but pleasant way".
Naturally, I immediately searched for the meaning of 'desultory': "lacking a plan, purpose, or enthusiasm".
I don't know how 'desultory' and 'pleasant' can both be used to describe one thing. Why would you spend time pottering at things you have no enthusiasm for?
(Yes, I get easily sidetracked.)
It did make me wonder, however, about the last time I pottered around doing something for no specific purpose other than simply enjoying it, with no target or end goal in mind; nothing niggling away at the back of my head telling me I really ought to sort out this or that, or get on to doing other, more 'productive' things.
Like in the photo above. "Forsooth!" I hear you cry. "Surely, Lady Seadragon, photographic evidence of you pottering mindfully?"
Except, not. I mean, look closely. I'm carrying TWO cameras. Why? (Purely rhetorical.)
I can't think of a single time since I was a child that I haven't had 101 things on my mind, or been fretting about something I have or haven't done, or should or shouldn't be doing.
This is even more so now with social media. When people describe it as toxic, it's not hard to imagine why. Social media eats into your time, your peace of mind, your ability to just 'be'. Living "in the moment" is not an option if, even on some stunning beach with a beautiful sunset and a cool breeze, all you can think is "must grab a shot for my Insta".
To whit: truly, did I need to take a photo of my feet? In beautiful, sunny Florida, on a trip of a lifetime with Daughter 1 to visit Daughter 2 (who was then working at Universal Resorts in Orlando) and I photograph my feet because I can't just sit still and 'be'.
Talking about beaches ~ my routine back home is to briefly glance up and around, take a few scenic shots for "the 'Gram" (as Mr Seadragon insists on calling Instagram) and then it's eyes down in a constant hunt for seaglass, pretty pebbles or maybe even the odd fossil. But, as always, mindfulness eludes me.
And don't even talk about food ~ I always joke that the camera eats first, but it's come to the point where a lot of the time, it does. Why can't I even have a nice meal or a seaside treat without feeling I must first take a photo of it and post it on Facebook?
Although... đ #yum đ
If we go back to first photo in this blog post ~ not content with a beautiful day paddling at the beach, I feel irresistibly compelled to act like a d!ck for the camera. THIS IS NOT BEING MINDFUL, SUZANNE.
So I have set myself a challenge: next time we drive out to the coast, I am NOT going to hunt for seaglass, I am NOT going to search for fossils, I am NOT going to get my phone out to photograph my feet for no flaming reason.
I am instead going to keep my eyes up, look around me, maybe even sit and just watch the waves. I might close my eyes and focus on feeling the sun and the breeze on my skin... Zoiks! Imagine that.
I'll let you know how I get on.
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